chapter 3 corrections

wiktopher.md

@@ -380,104 +380,99 @@ Eka, Lupin and Hush wandered the desert, alleviating their thirst with waterston
                                             ~  
 
     "Please stop singing about food," Lupin said.  
-    They had tried to ration some teaweet bread, but a hungry Hush raided
-their stores after the last second sunset. All five loaves had already been eaten, the remnants now scattered across the desert floor. Instead Eka and Lupin sucked on waterstones, slowly drawing out the water.  
+    They tried to ration some teaweet bread, but Hush, hungry, raided their stores after the last second sunset. All five loaves had already been eaten, the remnants now scattered across the desert floor. So, Eka and Lupin sucked on waterstones, slowly drawing out the water.  
     "We're going to die out here," Lupin said, groaning.  
     Eka did not share Lupin's concerns. "Haven't you ever walked on foot in the desert before? To those who know how to look, there's always something to eat."  
     "Verido don't walk on the ground," Lupin said, every mention of eating made the stomach whine again, "if what you're saying is true, then why aren't we finding anything?"  
     "Because it's too hot!"  
     "Of course, only idiots would be out here in this heat."  
-    "Oh the things you say Lew, it's like you're not of this world! When the suns set we should be able to find something."  
+    "Oh! The things you say Lu, it's like you're not of this world! When the suns set we should be able to find something."  
     Lupin continued to complain, but in a hushed, low voice.  
     Then suddenly, Eka stopped, stomped on the ground a few times. "We'll set camp here," Eka said, pleased with the spot.  
     Lupin was too tired and too hungry to ask why this spot was good, it looked like any other spot of sand in the desert. Together, they built a makeshift tent using Uno's fabric.  
 
-After the second sunset, Eka moved just outside their tent and took a seat on the ground. Then, Eka spotted something. "Lew. Pssst! Lew! Come over here!"  
-    Lupin yawned, rolling over to Eka's spot outside. The fabric wasn't very big, it provided some shade in the day but did not protect them from wind, and most of the space under it was already filled with Hush's gigantic head—the beast could not be persuaded to move.  
+After the second sunset, Eka took a seat on the ground just outside their tent. "Lu. Pssst! Lew! Come over here!"  
+    Lupin yawned, rolling over to Eka's spot outside. Their tent wasn't very big, it provided some shade in the day but did not protect them from wind, and most of the space under it was already filled with Hush's gigantic head—the beast could not be persuaded to move.  
     "What is it?" Lupin asked.    
     Eka pointed over to a collection of little stems nearby, working their way out of the soil, their small, round leaves fanning out.  
     "Take the one closest to you," Eka whispered.  
-    Lupin came to sit beside Eka, and tried grab it, but all of the stems went to hide back into the
-soil.  
+    Lupin came to sit beside Eka, and tried to grab it, but all of the stems went to hide back into the soil.  
     "You're terrible at this."  
     "This? I have no idea what *this* is!"  
     "Lower your voice," Eka commanded, "and be still. When the stems come
-back out and the leaves open up, clap your hands together real fast. It'll stun them, and then you can grab one. Haven't you ever harvested cactub before?  
+back out and the leaves open up, clap your hands together to stun them, and then you can grab one. Haven't you ever harvested cactub before?  
     "No," Lupin said. "What's a cactub?"  
-    Eka laughed. "Only the best vegetable ever. I'll do it. Watch."  
+    Eka laughed. "Only the best vegetable ever. Look, I'll do it."  
     Like before, the cactub stems emerged, and the leaves opened up in a fan. Eka neared two hands to one of them, and then...  
     *Clap!*  
-    The cactub froze. Eka grabbed the stem and pulled it out. The cactub was a bulbous root vegetable, purple and covered in little round nubs. They peeled the skin off, and ate slices of it for dinner. Cactub was soft and sweet on the inside, and had many seeds.  
-    "You can eat these too, or toss them. They'll grow back from the seed if you do that. For every two I eat, I toss one," saying this, Eka tossed one seed over the left shoulder.  
+    The cactub froze. Eka grabbed the stem and pulled it out. The cactub was a bulbous root vegetable, purple and covered in little round nubs. They peeled the skin off, and ate slices for dinner. Cactub was soft and had many seeds.  
+    "You can eat these too, or toss them. They'll grow back from the seed if you do that. For every two I eat, I toss one," saying this, Eka tossed one.  
     "Eat one," Lupin said, chewing on a seed, "toss one!" The other found its way back into the earth. They did this for a long while, eating some, tossing some.  
-    With food in their bellies, they huddled-in together to stay warm and to try to get some sleep. Eka looked at the sky and the stars, a finger tracing along the visible constellations and calling them by name.  
+    With food in their bellies, they huddled-in together to stay warm and tried to get some sleep. Eka's finger moved from skyrock to skyrock, drawing a line between each one to make constellations.  
     "Salarus, Vitali, Neoneve..."  
-    Eka recited these names before going to bed. The finger fell upon another star in the distance, it was lying low, and was brighter than all the others. A false star. Lupin had just dozed off. "Lu! Something! Over there!"  
+    Eka found another skyrock in the distance, it was lying low, and was brighter than all the others. A false star. Lupin had just dozed off. "Lu! Something! Over there!"  
     Lupin turned to look, long-faced and red-eyed. "It's dark. We'll check it out after the first sunrise..."  
-    "Fine. You stay. I'll be back." Halfway through the sentence Eka was up and racing towards the point of light in the dark.  
+    "Fine. You stay. I'll be back." Halfway through the sentence Eka was up already and racing towards the point of light in the dark.  
     Lupin followed partly because somewhere within lived the fear that Eka would leave and never return.  
-They arrived at the low star, which turned out to be an avoka oil lamp attached to the stern of a vessel, the front appeared half-buried in the sand.  
+They arrived at the low star, which turned out to be an avoka oil lamp attached to the stern of a vessel, its bow lay half-buried in the sand.  
     "It's a sandfin!" Lupin said, circling it, trying to make out details in
-the dark. The hull was painted yellow. It had a single wooden mast, and two sails hanging limp from their ropes. Eka pointed to the faint glow from one of the portlights. Someone was inside.  
+the dark. The hull was painted yellow. It had a single wooden mast, and two sails hanging limp from their ropes. Eka pointed to a faint glow of a lamp from one of the portholes. Someone was inside.  
     "Hello? Who's in there?" Lupin called out, knocking on the hull.  
-    A thin-eyed, short thing, came peering out of one of the portholes.
-"Wai're korei?!" a shrill voice answered. "Nono ask who there!" The voice said again, switching from Finic to the Common Tongue.   
-    The creature stuck its large face in the porthole, it contoured it perfectly, making it look like the sandfin had a face growing out of its side. The creature was a Finiku, large-eared with a wide flat face. The Finiku's hair was light and wild, not a single strand seemed to point in the same direction, all, except for a chunk of hair fused together. It was covered in pinny tar and coiled in a thick braid. Pinny tar was a thick, black substance used to protect ropes on a sandfin. The Finiku's hands too were stained with it, from handling ropes all day. Eka giggled, and watched as Lupin approached the porthole so the Finiku could see better. Even when standing close, still, the sandfinner's eyes looked everywhere but in the right place.  
+    A thin-eyed, short thing, came peering out of one of the openings.
+"Wai're korei?!" a shrill voice responded. "Nono ask who there!" The voice repeated, switching from Finic to the Common Tongue.   
+    The creature stuck its face in a porthole, the frame contoured it perfectly, making it look like the sandfin had a head growing out of its side. The creature was a Finiku. The Finiku's hair was light and wild, not a single strand seemed to point in the same direction, except for a chunk of hair covered in pinny tar and coiled in a thick braid. Pinny tar was a thick, black substance used to protect ropes on a sandfin. The Finiku's hands were also stained with it. Eka giggled, and watched as Lupin approached the porthole so the Finiku could see better. Even when standing close, the sandfinner's eyes looked everywhere but in the right place.  
     "Mai'ia! Noho'uta!"  
-    "Thinks we're ghosts, asking us to stay away." Eka translated.  
+    "We're not ghosts!" Eka replied.  
     "What? No. We're fleshy people. We're right in front of you! Can't you see us?" Lupin asked, perplexed.  
-    "Iane. Too dark, too dark!" The Finiku replied, disappearing below. They could hear noises, as the owner of the vessel searched the cabin for something. Then a beam of light flashed in Lupin's face. "Verido de yorala? Impossible. Ghost trick! And aaaa?" The owner of the sandfin moved the light around, searching for whoever this 'Verido in the sand' was with.  
-    "An Eka! Yora'nae Nono!" Eka said with a smirk, moving into the light.  
+    "Iane. Too dark, too dark!" The Finiku disappeared below. They could hear noises, as the owner of the vessel searched the cabin for something. Then a beam of light flashed in Lupin's face. "Verido de yorala? Impossible. Ghost trick! And aaaa?" The glow of the light shifted toward Eka, as the Finiku searched for whoever this 'Verido in the sand' was with.  
+    "An Eka! Yora'nae!" Eka said with a smirk.  
     "Friendly?"  
     Eka nodded. "Friendly and fleshy"  
     "I'm not a mai... uh. Maya? Ugh. I don't remember the word..."  
     "Mai'ia?" Nono said.  
-    "That's the one! I'm not a mai'ia. I'm a fleshy too. I'm a Verido in the sand now." Saying these things made Lupin uncomfortable and opted to change conversation, "your sandfin needs some repairs?"  
-    The Finiku, that they came to know as Nono, inched forward out of the porthole and poked the Verido's head hard to see if it was opaque. "Orae. Nono now beleeve."  
-    "Ow." Lupin whined, stepping back, putting some distance between this head and Nono's finger.  
-    Nono explained to them what had happened. "Sandfin fine, but eet no move! Why eet no move!" Nono's eyes widened saying this, they were unusually opaque and sickly-looking. Lupin saw there was plenty of light in the cabin, yet the sandfinner claimed to see nothing.  
+    "That's the one! I'm not a mai'ia. I'm a fleshy too. I'm a Verido in the sand now." Lupin felt uncomfortable and opted to change conversation, "I'm Lupen."  
+    "The Finiku inched forward out of the porthole and smacked the Verido in the head to see if it was opaque. "Orae. Nono now beleeve."  
+    "Ow!" Lupin stepped away from Nono's finger.  
+    Nono explained to them what had happened. "Sandfin fine, but eet no move! Why eet no move!" Nono's eyes widened saying this. Lupin saw there was plenty of light in the cabin, yet the sandfinner claimed to see nothing.  
     "Right. Well it's too dark to do anything about it now. Come daytime we'll help you fix it."  
 
-The next morning, Nono emerged from the cabin and stood on deck. Lupin was up already, in truth, sleep had not come. Now it was easy to make out Nono's features, although their eyes appeared clouded, and sickly. Finikus were short pot-bellied creatures with long droopy ears.   
-    Eka laughed, arriving at the foot of the sandfin just in time to catch Nono trying to shake hands with Hush's snout. "Nono, this is Hush. Was asleep during our introduction."  
+The next morning, Nono emerged from the cabin and stood on deck. Lupin was up already, unfortunately sleep had not come. It was easy now to make out Nono's features, although their eyes appeared clouded, and sickly.  
+    Eka laughed, arriving at the foot of the sandfin just in time to catch Nono trying to shake hands with Hush's snout. "Nono, this is Hush, who was asleep during our introduction."  
     "I see, I see! Yora'nae Hush!"  
-    Now that it was bright out, they could see the damage to the vessel. The sandfin lay over a rocky patch and the rudder was gone, ripped out. Most of the hull looked fine, but the area where the rudder had been had a large gaping hole, and stress marks in the wood. Nono leapt off the side of the vessel, and went to stand with the others. The captain stood 3 heads shorter than they. "Light kink!" Nono said after surveying the damage.  
-    "A kink? You serious?" Lupin said, outraged. "There's a giant hole there at the back of it! You've got no rudder!"  
+    They surveyed the damage. The sandfin lay over a rocky patch and the rudder was gone, ripped out. Most of the hull looked fine, but the area where the rudder had been was now a large gaping hole. Nono leapt off the side of the vessel, and went to stand with the others. "Light kink!" Nono said.  
+    "A kink? You serious?" Lupin said, outraged. "There's a giant hole! You've got no rudder!"  
     "Ia'ia. No hole. Verido ees crazy from da landsick."  
-    Nono's eyes narrowed down to try and see the hole, then Lupin arrived and helped the Finiku closer. "Big hole. Right there!" Lupin said, eager to prove the sandfin was damaged. The Finiku was unphased. It was only when Lupin put Nono's nose up to it that Nono saw it.  
+    Nono's eyes narrowed down to try and see the hole, then Lupin arrived and helped the Finiku closer. "Big hole. Right there!" Lupin said. The Finiku was unphased. It was only when Lupin put Nono's nose up to it that the extent of the damage was revealed.  
     "Ianae, iane, iane..." Nono's head shook from side to side, there was no stopping it.  
-    Eka went to stand closer, as if to offer moral support, and even laid a hand over the Finiku's shoulder to try to steady that tottering head. "You have materials on board?"  
-    Nono nodded, the shaking of the head had ceased then too. "Finiku dey are always ready! We make rudder. No problem. Nono have material, all we need!"  
+    Eka went to stand closer to offer moral support, and even laid a hand over the Finiku's shoulder to try to steady that tottering head. "You have materials on board?"  
+    Nono nodded, the shaking of the head had ceased then too. "Finiku dey always ready! We make rudder. No problem. Nono have material, all we need!"  
 
-Once all three got to work, Lupin realized just how terrible Nono's vision was. "No one in their right mind would allow someone so blind to captain a ship," Lupin told Eka. Red only smirked, busy gathering materials from inside the cabin.  
-    Together, they devised a plan to build the sandfin a new rudder. They removed bits of the old one and took measurements. They drew a rough shape on a piece of banabo wood, a surface normally used as a table. Lupin found a hacksaw stashed under a pile of spare lines, it was made of thin but strong metal, "says 'Maka' on the handle."  
+Once all three got to work, Lupin realized just how terrible Nono's vision was. "Who in their right mind would allow someone so blind to captain a sandfin?" Lupin asked.  Eka only smirked, gathering materials from inside the cabin.  
+    Together, they devised a plan to build the sandfin a new rudder. They removed bits of the old one, took measurements. "You sure you want to use this? You don't need a table?" Lupin held a thick slab of banabo wood, but then Nono walked up and began to mark it. "Okay then," Lupin said, releasing the table and reaching for a hacksaw stashed under a pile of ropes. "It says 'Maka' on the handle."  
     "Renate steel," Nono said, "sosae'di de yorala!"  
     "Best in the land." Eka translated.  
-    Each had their own task to perform. Lupin cut the banabo board for the paddle, Eka was carving an old oar with a blade to make the new rudder post, and Nono was busy retrieving bolts and nuts that would fit it. The cabin was filled with tools and spares and things, all surfaces had something laying over top, and every crack was filled with tiny stray bits of hardware.  
+    Lupin cut the banabo board for the paddle, while Eka was carving an old oar with a blade to make the new rudder post, and Nono was busy retrieving bolts and nuts that would fit it. All the surfaces of the cabin had something laying over top, and every crack was filled with tiny stray bits of hardware.  
     Lupin was fascinated by the sandfin, they were a common sight while travelling on the Ilk. The winged vessels looked tiny from up there, the colour of their sails and the dust rising with their passing was all Lupin could make out.  
     "What's that?" Lupin asked, pointing to a barrel stored on deck, "plumpkin juice?"  
-    "Kaka." Nono said.  
+    "Kapo." Nono said.  
     "Poop," Eka translated. Seeing the look on Lupin's face, both laughed.  
     Lupin had heard of this, but did not think it was true. Nono explained that while the sandfin had no need of fuel there was always a barrel stored on this vessel to give to others. "Montore fiendling, dey say eet 'miracle fuel', make life easy! Why use da hand when der ees macheen dey say. Beobug dey sell dis dream to Finiku, give macheen... but wat happen when eet brake? Dey have no part, no fuel. Beobug have to come fix, dey ask for de coin! Beobug create... how you say? Dependency, dae'na? Befor, Finiku depend only on sawa te kira!"  
-    "Wind and sun." Lupin said, happy to know that this mind knew a few Finiku words. Everyone in the Soronan Desert used these two words. "I don't understand what Ilk kaka has to do with fuel." Lupin said, perplexed.  
-"Beobug sandfin, eet follow Ilk and take kaka! Den, Beobug process kaka on sandfin. Very profitable business, very profitable! Nono mapa say, 'If Nono captain Beobug sandfin, Nono make good coin'," Nono's head shook again, "Mapa say dis, but Nono ees like gran-mapa Etyl, care only to sandfin. Nono lee-sin to voice of sawa te kira. Coin mawani'ia oro." Nono said, putting a hand on the heart.  
+    "Wind and sun." Lupin said, happy to know that this mind knew a few Finiku words. Everyone in the Soronan Desert used these two words. "I don't understand what Ilk kapo has to do with fuel." Lupin said, perplexed.  
+"Beobug sandfin follow Ilk and take eet! Den, Beobug process eet on sandfin. Very profitable! Nono mapa say, 'If Nono captain Beobug sandfin, Nono make good coin'," Nono's head shook again, "Mapa say dis, but Nono ees like gran-mapa Etyl, care only to sandfin. Nono lee-sin to voice of sawa te kira. Coin mawani'ia oro." Nono said, putting a hand on the heart.  
     "Coin has no soul," Eka said, "Etyl is your grand-mapa?" That name is known all over! First one to travel the whole of the land by sandfin!"  
     Nono nodded. "Orae orae! Did eet alone too!"  
-    Nono repaired the hole, and they completed the construction of their make-shift rudder, fitting it to Etyl's stern, all the while, listening to stories of the early days of sandfinning.  
+    Nono repaired the hole, and completed the construction of their makeshift rudder, fitting it to Etyl's stern, all the while, listening to Nono telling stories of the early days of sandfinning.  
 
 After a day of hard work, Nono tested out the rudder and saw no problem with it. The hull was missing paint, but was otherwise immaculate.  
     "Nono offer ride to Tiputa, come aboard fleshies!"  
-    Lupin and Eka were happy to join the crew. Nono didn't mind Hush coming along too and said that the sandfin could use the extra weight at the stern.  
-    They unfurled the sails and set course for Tiputa, plowing through the sand and leaving a golden cloud in their wake. The sandfin was running downwind, with two cream-coloured wings pulling it along. The wind freshened, and the sands began to blow hard but handling a vessel with two more aboard was easy. Eka made sure the sails had a good shape, while Lupin kept an eye on the horizon, there was no trusting Nono's eyes. The two crew members helped with navigation, making sure to avoid patches of hard soil. Nono had no sense of direction, and kept mistaking dunes for other sandfins. Despite these handicaps, Nono was confident and continued to blame it all on bad light.  
-    One day the Finiku offered to make dinner, serving them something that stank of pomparu with an unappetizing grey colour. Lupin joked that dinner had probably been scraped off of the hull, after the meal their pained stomachs agreed with this theory.  
-    "Do you know many other sandfinners?" Lupin asked Nono.  
-    "Orae, Nono know many, but Nono tink dey not so so so good."  
-    The shock of this reply caused a chunk of looma root to lodge itself in the Verido's throat. After a few coughs and gasps, the piece flew across the cabin and onto the wall. Lupin's mind conjured up images of sandfins in piles lining a city, their hulls kinked-up and full of holes with Nono clones at the wheel. All were sickly-eyed and yelling out orders while pressing a crew—that had long since mutinied—to get under way. The sure-footed Finiku captains were unaware of the fact that their vessels lay broken and unmoving. "Light kink!" They all said aloud together.  
-    Nono had brief moments of clarity, noting changes in the landscape with surprising accuracy. The crew thought it strange, surely there was no such thing as a condition that could better and worsen at random like this. Eka did not want to believe that Nono was a bad sandfinner, no one trained under Etyl could be terrible. After spending many days together they noticed a pattern, Nono's vision was worse after drinking from the waterstone tank. To extract the water out of the stones there was a foot pump in the galley, the pump would press the stones down, the water was then funnelled down a tube and would come out of a tap in the sink. Eka and Lupin still used their personal stock of stones for water, not to impose on Nono's limited supplies, so they deduced that the water was to blame. One morning they opened the tank and found it infested with mudbears, tiny insects that burrow in waterstones and that secrete a toxin. Nono had been drinking bad water. The spoiled tank was the cause of their captain's sick eyes, blurry vision and disorientation. Eka offered the Finiku waterstones from their supply, and after drinking from a good source the symptoms wore off. After Nono's eyes cleared up, Eka went ahead and showed the captain the contents of the tank.  
-    "Sosae'di! Good eet ees dat Nono meet Eka te Lupin!" Nono said,
-scooping up a handful of mudbears and prodding them.  
-    Soon, Nono returned to the helm. The Finiku could read the sand and sky
-well, and knew to adjust sails right as conditions changed. The sails no longer sagged, the vessel was stable and all aboard were healthy, and happy. The sandfin accumulated distance quickly, and they arrived at their destination in record time. On arrival, Nono thanked them for their help.  
+    Lupin and Eka hopped aboard. Nono said that the sandfin could use the extra weight at the stern.  
+    They unfurled the sails and set course for Tiputa, plowing through the sand, leaving a golden cloud in their wake. The sandfin was running downwind, with two cream-coloured wings pulling it along. The wind freshened, and the sands began to wash over the deck but handling a vessel with a crew of three was easy. Eka made sure the sails had good shapes, while Lupin kept an eye on the horizon, careful to avoid rocky patches, there was no trusting Nono's eyes. Nono kept mistaking dunes for other sandfins.  
+    The Finiku offered to make dinner, serving them something that stank of pomparu with an unappetizing grey colour. Lupin joked that it had probably been scraped off of the hull.  
+    "Do you know many other sandfinners?" Lupin asked.  
+    "Orae, Nono know many, but Nono tink dey not so so good."  
+    Lupin's mind conjured up images of sandfins in piles lining a city, their hulls full of holes with squinting Finiku captains at the wheel, unaware of the fact that their vessels lay broken and unmoving. "Light kink!" They all said aloud together.  
+    Eka could not believe that Nono was a bad sandfinner, no one trained under Etyl could be terrible. After spending many days together they noticed a pattern, Nono's vision was worse after drinking from the waterstone tank. To extract the water out of the stones there was a foot pump in the galley, the pump pressed the stones down, funnelling the water up a tube to the sink. Eka and Lupin, who still used their personal stock of stones for water as to not to impose on Nono's limited supplies, deduced that the water was to blame. One morning they opened the tank and found it infested with mudbears, tiny insects that burrow in waterstones and secrete a toxin. Eka offered the Finiku waterstones from their supply, and after a while Nono's eyes cleared up.  
+    Nono returned to the helm. The Finiku could read the sand and sky well, and knew to adjust sails right as conditions changed. The sails no longer sagged, the vessel was stable and soon they arrived at their destination. On arrival, Nono thanked them for their help.  
     "Nono fill waterstone tank in Kippu. 'Eet clean!' dey tell Nono, but
 not so, not so! Nono tink better to go back to help. Sik eyes... ees dangerous, dae'na?"